Singlespeeding, bitching and beer.

Well, it was fun while it lasted but the time has come to ditch the Coupe.

Couple of reasons for this but the real one is it’s so god-damned thirsty. I’m sick of visiting petrol stations. I reckon on a good day, the best I’d get (which would be on the motorway on cruise control doing 75), I’d see 35mpg. Normal driving would be more like 25mpg. Vigorous driving would see it even lower, and this loves to be driven virgorously.

Things I’ll miss? Sunroof. The sublime handling, it really does go round corners incredibly well. Girl attracting looks. You can call it a hairddresser car all you like but I’ve had so much attention from girls with this car. I’ve had girls drape themselves across the bonnet in town centres at the lights, I’ve had them ask me to take them for a spin, girls in work have approached me out of the blue and asked if that’s my car. Power, it’s not the pokiest car in the world but the delivery is like a train, it’s crap at low revs but then it just builds up and up and up. Once you get it spinning it flies. Leather seats, very nice.

Bad things. It’s thirsty as hell. The gear change is awful. Tiny in the back.

So it’s replacement time. I spent a long time deciding what I wanted. It was going to be a 320d but I tried a few and they were so basic inside, no toys at all. So I eventually went for an A3 2.0tdi SE. It’s so well made. It’s not as fast as the hyundai, and first impressions is it doesn’t grip as well round corners despite having bigger wheels and the same width tyres but it is a very nice car indeed. It is *very* economical though and still does 0-60mph in less than 10 seconds which is fine. Cost me a bloody fortune too.

(This isn’t mine but it’s the same model and colour)

Bike: Crosslight
Distance: 39 miles

Very similar to the previous ride, almost identical average speed. Wasn’t trying very hard to be honest. I’m getting bored with road riding now. I just need to get some new hardcore wheels for the crosslight sorted (I don’t really trust these lightweight things for offroad to be honest and I’d rather keep them looking nice for road riding) , and I’ll start riding offroad again. Mileage will go down but fun should go up.

So i’ve got a disk which should work with the standard drop levers. I’ve already got a front wheel with a disk on, just need to get a back wheel sorted now.

Bike: Crosslight
Distance: 39 miles

Well those vows got broken pretty quick. God-awful day on Friday, work and a variety of personal problems which I shall reveal later in the week, plus feeling really, really ill meant I got home feeling like death warmed up and just went straight to bed, no ride. Woke up about 11:00 and just sat comotose at the computer for an hour and then went back to bed. Ate nothing at all for over 36 hours and then went out on this ride. Needless to say, I was a bit slow.

Anyway, did a reasonably hilly 39 miles, got my cyclometer working, it agrees with mapmyride for the distance. Seems the sensor was picking up the magnet as it passed under the bottom of the axle, bizarre! Normally you have to have the two of them within 2mm of each other. Moving the battery and sensor higher up the wheel has sorted it. Unless the sensor was too far away from the computer, which you think would have made me appear slower rather than faster than normal.

It works now though and recorded a 17.39 mph average, which gives me a nice starting point. Plus it was very windy tonight.

Bike: Crosslight
Distance: 24 miles

Jeepers! How far am I getting behind here? This was a nice quick early morning sprint. All these biggish climbs have certainly done the trick and I found this ride a doddle. But seriously, I need to up my mileage quickly, which unfortunately doesn’t look like it’ll happen any time soon.

Best try and set things straight this weekend then. I hereby vow to ride Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. If I’m going to fix my projected mileage difference, that’s 203 miles in 4 days which is say 51 miles a day.  And seeing as I’m working Friday, am looking after my son Saturday, going to see my mum on Sunday and having a family day on Monday, that’s going to be quite tricky. Ho hum, we’ll see anyway. Here’s the plan.

Friday, no chance. I’ll try for a quick 30 mile flat sprint after work.
Saturday, I’ll get up as early as I can and get in say 25 miles before the wife goes to work, and then hopefully, me and my son can go out for a longish ride in the afternoon.
Sunday, get up nice and early and get a biggy in, say 50 miles. Now here’s the clever bit, I’ll take my bike with us to my mums house and ride the 50 miles back.
Monday, hopefully i’ll just need to do a quick 30 miles or so in.

easy.

Bike: Crosslight
Distance: 28 miles

Normal loop over Belmont and back. I actually found a nice hole in the weather, it was pretty good. Really enjoyed it apart from the constant wind. I’m now over a hundred miles consistently under my target, that’s not too much to get back but I want to do it now, looks like I’ll be putting in a few long night rides just to sort things out for a bit. What’s put me in this place is lots of long evening work and having to go down the smoke. And it’s not over, in a few weeks I’m back down there for a bit longer.

Bike: Handjob
Distance: 10miles

Great ride round llandegla and some secret bits with some friends. Well worth the long drive. Wonderful long rutted singletrack descent off the beaten path.

Bike: Crosslight
Distance: 52 miles

Beautiful day for a ride. Lovely and sunny although it was very windy. Really enjoyed myself. Climbed up over Belmont and caned it down the other side, had so much fun I looped back round through Tockholes and did it again. Still massively behind my target though, need to get on top of that.

Quick one this.

I nip down the offy. I’m buying a bottle of wine to attempt to blot out the drab, boring work life that I lead.

I’m stood in the shop with two blokes in front of me. One is normal looking, the one getting served has his two young lads with him. He’s got an open can of beer in one hand, is wearing a huge baseball cap and is really skinny. He looks very aggressive, very typical for round here. He gets served, shouts at the boys and they all leave. I’ve never, ever seen this chap before.

He passes me on the way out and stares at me. I glance back and then look away. He gets to the door, goes through, holds the door open and looks back at me.

“Fucking faggot”, he says, lets the door shut and walks away.

Eh? What? I’m not dressed in pink, I’ve not yet ordered any produce so he can’t possibly take offence to me buying a bottle of wine. I’m actually dressed in a hoodie and combat trousers (which I’m assuming is reasonably macho).

Nice.

My work are building a new car park. This is to address the awful car parking problem at our offices. The reason we have a car parking problem, is because to many people work in the office, there’s no public transport to speak of, they make no effort to encourage a home working policy and yes, you’ve guessed it, they positively discourage people who might want to make their way in under their own steam. I was quite happy forgoing all the obstacles they put in my way and commuted in at least once a week on my bike, storing my clothes in a desk cupboard, locking my bike up with the smokers, wiping myself down in the disabled toilets with a damp rag whilst the CEO banged on the door wanting a crap. It was all surmountable and acceptable until they found my weak spot.  The cleaners now  work from  7am to  8:30 am, druing which times the toilets are unavailable, bingo! Well done uncaring employer, you’ve finally cocked that one up for me.

Anyway, they’re building a carpark at 500 times the expense of installing a shower and changing rooms so we’ve got lots of big tough labourer style men wandering about the place. These men have big dirty hands, wear hard hats and rigger boots. They work physically hard all day, are dead tough and are perhaps a bit intimidating to a desk jockey like me. They’re intimidating because they make me aware of the fact that driving a desk, I’m a poor excuse for a man.

My hands are silky soft, I have no dirt etched into my knuckles, my arms are weak and skinny. I have no hard hat, or rigger boots. I’ve not even got a dirty yellow coat. These men lug things about, they go home with aching shoulders, every day! They can stand easy, leaning on a shovel, whistling at girls or passing scorn on blokes in suits. And quite right too, that’s how a real man is. I mean, I’m a right tough nut as far as normal blue/white collar workers go, I exercise. I’m lean and toned, I have muscle. But then, in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. I don’t want to be king of a load of soft, fat people with arms and legs like sticks. I want to be king  in a land where men could  bench press  300lb without trying  (if they so cared - which they couldn’t because all that weight lifting malarky is gay). I want to go down the pub every night after work, neck 5 pints using hands that will never be perfectly clean and not even feel it, go home and eat pie and chips made by my long suffering wife and then fart and go to bed. I want to read the sport and the sun, and think it’s interesting. I want women to openly sneer at me but secretly want my roughness. I want similar men to think I’m ’sound’ and not bother me because I’m hard.

Why? I have no idea. Perhaps it’s *another* mid-life crisis. When will they stop? Women only get one menopause, I’ve had about 6 of these buggers.

Of course, if I was a real man with shit under my fingernails, I’d not care and just bend over and show my crack.

Bike: Crosslight
Distance: 33 miles

Windy and crazy weather. Sun, wind, rain, sleet, hail and snow, all in one ride, bonkers. In April!

Nice when the wind was behind me, horrible in my face. Ride was a variation on the last two rides, lostock, belmont, back over to rivy, standish, wigan, back home. My new cyclometer reckoned an average of 33mph, I’m not sure that’s correct.