Ride Entry – 28th October 2009

Bike: Humuhumu
Distance: 31 miles

What a wonderful commute. No problems, nice weather, no fuckwits, brilliant. Riding in in the morning at the start of GMT rocks too. Lights off after I get to the second offroad section, beautiful golden light bathing everything in it’s warm glow, loving it!

Ride Entry – 25th October 2009

Bike:Van Tuyl
Distance: oooh, about 40 miles

Again, I’m probably underestimating. I’m fairly certain 4 hours at the velodrome means more than 40 miles. I know we did 7 miles in just one training type. (40 laps on the black line). Anyway, I did a 2 hours A+B SQT and then helped out with a skills session. BIt embarrassing because there were 4 accredited riders there and two learners but the coach seemed grateful enough. SQT was *hard*. Some of the guys attending the A sessions are fast and aggressive. Imagine this, you’re riding quickly, say 30mph. Someone brushes past you, actually touches shoulders with you and then cuts in front of you so quickly their back wheel touches your front. Scary.

Still, at least I broke the cursed track bike theme, 4 hours and I didn’t fall off. Bike went great. Still a great big pain in the bum getting the bike out of the shed, the wheels out of the shed, all into the car, staggering from the car to the velodrome hold a bike frame, a track pump, a wheel bag and a rucksack, bolt wheels to frame – reverse at the end. 6 – 12 months wating list for a place in storage, ho hum.

Ride Entry – 25th October 2009

Bike: Vela
Distance: 52 miles

52 miles, 20.2mph average, hilly and windy. How d’you like them apples? Good morning ride, not too many fuckwits about, bit windy though. Fast, fucking fast.

Ride Entry – 23rd October 2009

Bike Humuhumu
Distance:31 miles

Commute. Nice and quiet going in, pitch black all the way now.

Coming home, nice enough although some chaps in a car shouted something at me in Warrington, so I shouted ‘cock’ back. So then they shouted something else, so I shouted ‘idiot’, then he waved his fingers out the window at me. Then they stopped at the lights. Then I caught up with them. Then they went really quiet. I couldn’t be bothered doing anything so just sat there next to them.

Then they shot off. Then I rode down another road and then just as I was turning onto the sankey valley trail they shot past me and shouted (and this was the first time I understood what they said), ‘fucking knobhead’, which made me laugh quite a bit, I happily waved a finger at them and carried on my way. I’m assuming it was all fairly good natured, cheered me up a bit for the ride home which was great. Very fast in places due to a tailwind.

Realised that once I am getting home I’m doing fuck all. Need to start doing more rides at night and more photography.

Ride Entry – 22nd October 2009

Bike: Vela
Distance: 30 miles

Blimey, not doing too well at all this week. Not getting to the ‘drome has cocked me up a bit for mileage so I hoped to get out and do a nice big road ride, obviously that was scuppered too. Nice night for it mind, very little wind and dry for once. Up over the tops, caned it down towards Rivington with a registered 47mph top speed, as I went over the cattle grid I bottomed the back wheel, didn’t realise I’d pinched the tube and carried on. I only realised when it started to go squidgy on the climb up to Atherton. Of course, there’s no street lights up there so I had to gently ride towards Horwich until I found one. No problem changing the tube apart from a gang of lads stopping next to me in their chavved up car and taking the piss. Once it was fixed I decided to just call it a day/night. Rode home, drank some beer.

Quite cross

So lets get this straight, the answer to the question “Is there an SQT A session at the velodrome on Tuesday?” is not “Yes” as I was originally informed but actually, “Yes, but it starts an hour earlier and only runs for an hour.” is it? Thanks Just wanted to clear that up.

Can we also clear up the following statement “Yes, you’re booked into the SQT session on Tuesday which starts at 8.”, which apparently actually means “I’ve written your name in the book on the relevant date but since the nationals warmup is starting, it means absolutely fuck all because you won’t be getting anywhere near the track.

Thanks for that. No, it wasn’t a problem. I didn’t stay up till midnight frantically greasing hubs, getting all my kit together and ordering wheel bags at express postage rates for any particular reason. I didn’t get into work an hour earlier than normal (which means I got in at 6:30) so I could take an early dart, I didn’t ask my wife to come and meet me at work with some extra butties for the evening for any special particular fucking REASON. No, and I positively climaxed at the thought, and the experience of driving back through and out of Manchester in full on rush hour traffic which took me over a FUCKING hour.

I used to think the ladies on the desk at the velodrome were very good and helpful. Now I realise they were just winging it and are as useless as every other dopey twat working in a service job that they’re not interested in.

Also, remind me  to never, ever get a job in Manchester. How people drive in that traffic every day without tooling up and killing people is entirely beyond me.

Ride Entry – 16th October 2009

Bike: Humuhumu
Distance:31 miles

Commute. Nice. Dark all the way to work. Nice and sunny but a bit chilly on the way home. My arse was hurting so developed a funny riding style. As i passed through Lowton I saw a big gang of lads on the other side of the road. Christ these young lads look stupid. It’s not the shell suits or the tracksuit bottoms tucked in their socks (although it does look ridiculous), that makes them look like fuckwits, but their caps. They deliberately buy hats too small for their heads (I’m assuming this is a troublesome venture, since most of their heads are not exactly stuff ed with brains), but then turn the brim up Norman Wisdom stylee.  If they wren;t so annoying it would be thigh slapping laughable.

Anyway, they all see me and one immediately runs across the road and tries to stand their looking like he’s not up to anything. Obviously being a fuckwit this is like sticking a sign on his head ‘I am up to something’. The remaining lads all get their stolen/mugged phones out and start pointing them at me. Did you even think for one second that this wouldn’t alert me in anyway whatsoever? Jesus they’re thicker than  thought.

So as I get close, the lad nearest me by himself, starts walking forwards and leans in like he’s going to start running. It’s clear to me that he’s going to try to push me off while the other film it. I’ve got a number of choices.

1. Nail it. The dopey fucker will never catch me.
2. Chin the little twat. It’ll make me feel good but it’ll be on 17 phones.
3. Get pushed off. Admittedly this is my last choice, it’s not one I’ll be taking.
4. Tell the gibbon that if he tries pushing me off I’ll break both his arms

I go for a compromise and point at him, make an angry face like this… GRRRR!, and stare at him like a crazy foo’.

He stops and tries to blend in. The incident is over. After all, they’re not looking for people who might fight back, they’re looking for weaklings and feebles. I stare at him all the way past. He’s a coward and a bragard, he’s not going to do anything. I then turn my attention to his mates , some of whom are videoing me, the rest are looking away. Not a hugely succesful activity in their view, which is fine by me.

Also:

Overheard later when I left the ASDA. Two young *ladies* talking to each other. One says how little sleep she had last night. The other tells her, “I didn’t get to bed till half twelve last night and I was back up at 8:30, try that!”, she stated proudly. Only eight hours sleep, how the hell does she manage? Eight hours! If I get that in a week I’ll be happy.

edit: and that makes 118 miles for the week because I didn’t get out once at the weekend. Nowhere near what I wanted to do, bummer. This week isn;t looking much better either, bummer.

Ride Entry – 15th October 2009

Bike:Velodrome (Although this will now become Van Tuyl)
Distance: 25 miles

Got me a new track bike and it’s a beauty!

I’ll take some better pictures when I get time but that’s a good idea of what it’s like. It’s been kept in a garage for ten years, never, ever been ridden before. I suspect the hubs needs a bit of new grease, plus I’m sure the BB could do with some love but to be honest, I’ve no idea how to get it off! It has these weird looking lockrings that normally I’d just take a hammer and screwdriver too but a thing this lovely deserves better treatment.

So I thought I;d take a chance and just take it to the track, what’s the worst that could happen?

Get there, I’m panicking because it’s got brand new tyres I’ve just bought on it and I keep expecting them to let go. They’ve been sanded, wiped with white spirit and then I rode round the concrete for 5 laps. Up onto the boards and it was still another 5 laps before I had the courage to get on the blue line with the pack. It was all silly though, they never let go all night.

The bike rides wonderfully, it felt a bit funny at speed, not sure what that is, maybe the glack of clean grease on the bearings on the front wheel. It felt a bit like the front wheel was bouncing over stuff, maybe I had the tyres too hard. The 90 inch gear is wonderful. In the solo sprints it was taking me a little longer than normal to get up to attack speed but my god it moves fast once it’s there, no spinning away at 120rpm, just solid, pleasant, power down, speed. I cannoned past the pack the first couple of times because I’d underestimated just how quick I could go. Much, much harder to back pedal as a result though.

The evening went wonderfully until the warm down. Up in a line on the blue, riding along, normal pace, about 25mph. I’ll hold my hands up and say the accident was caused by me not concentrating 100%. Suddenly, I noticed the pack had slowed quickly, I was going under the wheel in front (for those not in the know, this can be a banning offence), so desperately tried to get above the back wheel in front, clipped it as I was going up the banking and hit the deck.

You slide a LONG way when you come off at 25mph on smooth boards. I had plenty of time to watch the remainder of the pack ride past, to feel the bike hitting me in the back of the head, to feel my brand new shorts being ripped apart and I even had time to listen to the discussion from some guys about falling off and the laughter that followed. Bonkers!

There’s another one like that on my knee and another one, plus big bruise on my arse. A coupleo f people asked if I was OK afterwards, the coach, the guy I hit, the ladies there and that was it, fecking roadies.

Ride Entry – 13th October 2009

Bike:Vela
Distance: 31 miles

Got up early, really didn;t feel like going out for a ride but I knew once I was out I’d change my mind. Took a while though, it was proper chilly and I had my jacket fully zipped up for the first 5 miles or so, might be time to dig out my longs soon, and maybe put two pairs of socks on, my toes were quite nippy.

As I left the house I said to myself ‘you’ll regret not bringing a camera’, and I was totally right, about 17 times. Some amazing sunrise vistas and the church at Belmont with the lake covered in mist in front of it and the sun rising in the background was sublime.

Lovely ride though, not too many cocks about in cars although I courted their wrath a few times by deliberately opening it up and taking control, fuck ‘em.

Nicely topped off on the final descent to our house when I saw my son walking down the road with one of his friends to school. I ramped it right up to attack speed, moved in close to the kerb and cannoned past them, quick check over my shoulder and then it’s knee out, bend the bike right over and into our estate I went at warp factor 9. That’ll give his mates something to talk about at school. Good clean entertainment right there, and not in anyway irresponsible.

edit: ooh, look at that, I’ve passed 2006’s total. Sweet.

double edit: Ooh, look at that, the Vela has just passed 2000 miles under me, double sweet.

Ride Entry – 12th October 2009

bike: Humuhumu
Distance: 31 miles

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we ride our bikes to work. The morning ride was crisp, dark, chilly and quiet. The ride home in the evening Autumn sunshine was like an American feel good film. Pretty girls walking their dogs, children laughing on the swings, fat blokes fishing miserably, it was great! SPinning away through the park and then along the sankey valley trail, what a wonderful evening. And then, when I got on the road, I came across a HUGE queue of cars running virtually all the way from the East Lancs to Leigh. Well, that’s a sight a cyclist likes to see, makes it all worthwhile, zip zip zip. Fly past allthose cars, make them feel bad about being stuck in their tin box (although of course, there but for the grace of god go I, or some such shit). The whole feel good factor was topped off when I got to the roundabout and had to stop zipping in and out of the cars, I rolled up alongside a Lupo, glanced in and there was sat a beautiful young lady in a pretty cotton dress. She saw me looking at her, smiled and waved happily. Smashing!