samuri.co.uk

I presume that middle aged men such as myself all go through a similar thing. They reach a point in their lives and just get extremely frustrated that due to a variety of influences on their lives, they’ve not achieved what they wanted to and realise that there’s no way it’s going to happen now.

Take me for example, I’m 42 or something. I’m fitter than i’ve ever been in my life before although i’m not going to win any races even though I want to.  i’ll never be able to beat the young lads in short races now and I’m probably too far behind to ever beat any of the serious vets in longer ones. I *may* have a chance in short races against vets and I’ll be trialling this theory in the next 6 months but I;ve seen these guys go. Some may be old but that doesn’t stop them being fast. It’s *highly* unlikely that I’ll place anywhere memorable, other than last.

But I was watching TV tonight and I just sat there for about 15 minutes thinking about packing EVERYTHING in and doing something else entirely. You spend your entire life building a career, a reputation, pension, savings, house with a conservatory  , and yet it can all be lost in an instant. I think the objective is to be *comfortable* in your later years, not live on a dodgy estate where you’re afraid to go out and generally have a happy end of life. But I realised that all that is pointless if you live like I do to get there.

I want to ride in the Andes, I want to cycle for 300 miles a day, every day for two weeks until I get from one end of Asia to the other. I want to have sex with girls of different nationalities and creeds. I want to win stuff and lose more than I already have, I just want to get out of what i’m doing now and do something I want to like writing., photography, riding or moving around a lot. trouble is I’m too crap at these things to get paid for it,  bummer. I can either try and steal some money (and trust me, I’d not last long in a hard prison with bubba and clint) and live the life of riley or swallow my principles, ditch the noble techie job and work in a ruthless field for ten years to get enough money in to stop working in my early 50′s and start doing stuff.

christ what a moaning twat. i’m almost already in my fifties now it seems. my biggest problem is knowing what to do next. The major problem with this situation is that I tend to just leap at the first thing that looks but invariably isn’t, and cock my life up even more.  Yay for irrational leaps of faith.