samuri.co.uk

Distance: 1 mile

Went down the hotel pool at 8. There was only two lanes! A slow lane and a fast lane. This clearly had left the normal middle lane meanderers in a confused state so they all moved into the fast lane. It say ‘FAST’. At both ends. Look! So I would do a length. Catch the person in front, stand there waiting for them to get maximum distance ahead and then just as the person behind me reached my end, I would set off and then catch the other person again at the other end, repeat. If all the slow people all created a convoy and swam in a big line (since they were all clearly as slow and dangerous as each other) it wouldn’t be such a problem, I’d at least get two lengths before having to stop and wait again but no, they space themselves out equidistance. Added to all this, at least one of them had decided the best place for swimming would be RIGHT DOWN THE FUCKING MIDDLE. Not such a major issue apart from her generous floating aids meant she acted as a sort of crabbing oil tanker which even slowed down the other slow people.

After about 20 lengths I’d had enough and was just getting out when I noticed them all huddle at one end together, have a bit of a conflab and then move en masse to the whirlpool thingy. Great! I got my head down and knocked out a quick 20 more laps. Stopped for a rest and then this girl got in. Now one problem with being a blind gimp is that when I go swimming I can’t see fuck all. I can make out shapes but ask me to read something or identify someone without my nose touching them and you’ll be on a very slow boat to nowheres-ville. So the only thing I could make out was that she was possibly quite pretty and certainly very skinny. Pants, that’ll slow me down. It turns out not. Actually she was shit hot fast. Easily as quick as me in long distance mode and even when I opened it up a bit (to impress her like), she responded in kind and kept away from me for a good 4 or 5 laps. Good swimmer too (way better than my crap technique) and understood lane etiquette. Good girl!

Obviously if she was impressed I’d have no idea and without her actually talking to me I’d have no idea if she was giving me the eye or not (moot point obviously). I notched up 2k in the end and my shoulder was (and still is) hurting from my extra effort laps. Those last couple of flat out sprints were probably a bad idea.

Next morning I see a woman looking at me in the breakfast hall. She’s certainly got the right build and the right colour/length of hair but like me she’s wearing glasses (although not of the eye warping intensity that I’m used to) and I catch her looking at me a few times. I expect this is the woman and she’s wondering if I’m the man.